Sunday, September 4, 2011

I Am An Internet Marketer, Hear Me Boast!

‘I am an Internet Marketer’, the man in the bar says. Or maybe some friend of a friend claims to be an Online Entrepreneur. “Ooh”, you exclaim, and think to yourself that person must be a real genius, and undoubtedly highly successful. But don’t be fooled.
There is a huge difference between someone who boasts about being an Internet Marketer, and someone who actually earns a decent living from it. In fact, if you want to tell people you are an Internet Marketer, but would feel ashamed to simply lie about it, you can become one in less than 10 minutes.
Follow these easy steps…
1. Go on Google and search for ‘weight loss supplements’.
2. Click on one of the displayed results and look to see if they have an affiliate program, or offer commission for promoting their miracle products (same thing really). If they do, then sign up and copy the ‘affiliate link’ they provide for you.
3. Open a Blogger account (just Google ‘’). Follow the simple instruction and create a new blog. Call it ‘Lose 10lbs in 3 Days’. In the body of your new blog, just write ‘I can’t believe how much weight I lost using this miraculous weight loss marvel’. Then paste in the affiliate link you got from the other site. Now publish your blog.
Congratulations…you are now officially an Internet Marketer. In under 10 minutes.
Will you make any money? No. Will you make as much money as 99% of other Internet Marketers? Yes. And that will be exactly $0 and 0 cents.

Does Anyone Ever Make Money From Internet Marketing?
Yes. But it is not an easy task.
The lure of internet marketing is easy to see. You can work from home and all you need is a computer and internet connection…which nearly everyone has these days. But it is never as simple as that. If it was, every office building in the world would be fairly empty.
Internet marketing is a highly competitive industry. If you have little investment to begin with the task will be even more arduous. It is possible to start with a tiny budget, but it may take a long time before you ever see any success. And there can be a lot to learn.
If this has put you off the idea, then good, you probably were not cut out for it anyway. But if you are determined to prove everyone wrong and actually make a career with online marketing then best of luck. Now all you have to do is find some assistance.
Hoping to be a millionaire this time next week? Why not try entering ‘make money online’ into Google? There should be plenty of websites in the results ready to take your money…

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Can Pavlov’s Dog Really Make You Buy Internet Marketing Rubbish?

Ivan Pavlov was a famous Russian psychologist that is probably best known for
his work on ‘classical conditioning’. Much of his work was in the field of behavioral
psychology and he is attributed with coining the term ‘conditional reflex’. The term
refers to someone acting on impulse rather than applying any critical or rational

Does this sound familiar? It should do. Psychological conditioning leading to reflex
actions is one of the wonderful tricks employed by many internet marketing schemes
hoping to lure customers into impulsive purchases. But how do they manage to
work this psychological magic? Before we delve into their murky strategies, it will be
helpful to offer a brief overview of one of Ivan Pavlov’s most famous experiments.

Pavlov’s Dog

Pavlov was performing research into the digestive system and discovered that dogs
tend to salivate (drool) when they think they are about to get fed. His experiment
involved ringing a little bell when he was about to bring food to the dog. The dog
soon associated the sound of the bell with a forthcoming meal. It was soon possible
to make the dog drool by simply ringing the bell, even if no food was present. The
dog heard the bell, thought it was about to be fed, and salivated.

In modern terms, this is the equivalent of a dog getting excited when its owner goes
towards a cupboard containing its food or picks up its bowl. The dog has learnt to
associate these actions with food and will start to drool and get excited. The dog has
been conditioned.

Behavioral Conditioning and Internet Marketing Schemes

Don’t think that dogs are stupid and humans would know better. People are as easily
conditioned as animals. Children learn by conditioning and we are all impulsive by
nature. Internet marketers know this and have come up with some very devious
methods for exploiting our weaknesses.

The merest mention of missing out on a onetime deal and we too become drooling
dogs. Rational thought goes out of the window and impulse takes over. A dodgy
product looks far more inviting when it is about to become unavailable or is offered at
a discounted price.

There are closets full of hideous clothes bought in a panic when they were on half-
price offer for ‘one day only’. The thought of returning tomorrow and finding the item
gone is too much to bear. The item is bought impulsively. Only later, when rational
thought returns do buyers realize the item bought was on offer for good reason…it
was seriously ugly.

Internet marketing schemes use ‘onetime offers’ and ‘time sensitive offers’ to
encourage a conditioned reflex. Blind panic will always mask a bad product. With
critical thinking out of the equation, the marketer can shift lots of merchandise before
people realize what the hell they just bought.

Fake countdown clocks and pop-ups screaming ‘ATTENTION!’ are nothing more
than clever rouses to tap into our predilection for impulsive reaction.

.'If you don’t grab it right now, it will be gone forever!’
.'This is a special onetime offer’
.'75% off, only available today’

We are conditioned to fear loss. Missing out on a potential bargain kills us. What
if this is the product that will make you ridiculously rich and you don’t buy it? Now
you’re sweating, shaking, searching for a credit card and agonizing over whether
to click that ‘Submit’ button, or not. What should you do? Yes or no? Is this really a
good idea? If only you had more time to think. It’s now or never. If you don’t make a
decision now it will be gone.

The decision will nearly always be yes. You will buy a crappy product. You are
conditioned and have no control over foolish impulsive purchases when faced
with a fear of loss and time sensitivity. It’s a human conditioned reflex and simple
behavioral psychology. You are Pavlov’s dog and the internet marketer knows this.
Ring, ring…woof, woof! A.K.A. How to Lose All Your Facebook Friends

I have a question for you. When is a Facebook application not a Facebook

Answer: When it is a site I recently had the misfortune to stumble across. Let me tell
you a little bit about…

The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing is a particularly malevolent website that purposes to be an
actual Facebook application. But it is not really an application at all. It is a cleverly
disguised marketing scam.

The site masquerades as a realistic-looking Facebook page. It uses the same page
layout as Facebook and even the fonts used on the page are identical to those used
on the official Facebook site. Of course the scammers behind this scheme are not
stupid (they just think the readers are) and they include a miniscule disclaimer at the
bottom of the page announcing that Facebook is not officially affiliated
to the real Facebook.

This disclaimer is small enough to be classified as bacterial. Not only is it tiny, it is
in a grey font that is barely distinguishable from the white page background. For
anyone not studying the page through a microscope it would be easily missed, but it
serves its purpose as a legal get-out clause for the scammers.

Apparently This Is NOT Another Pyramid Sales Scam!

Using a very strong magnifying glass, I also noticed the disclaimer stated this is
not an MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) scheme. What a load of rubbish! The ancient
Egyptians could not have created a more obvious pyramid.

I will give you a brief overview of how the scheme supposedly works and you can
decide if you agree that this is not MLM:

You start a Facebook group invite all your friends to it. They will then be encouraged
to sign up for the Pro version of If they have had recent
lobotomies they may invite all their friends too. And so forth. If anyone of the friends
you invite (or your friends’ friends) sign up to the Pro version, you get commission.

So you earn commission from generating leads and from the leads they then
generate. I may be wrong but this form of commission-based sales hierarchy sounds
like the exact definition of a pyramid scheme (which is technically illegal).

Everyone’s a Winner (Everyone Called has two options: Free and Pro. As expected with this sort of
scam the site tells you that the free version is brilliant and will earn you up to $350,
but no more than that. But the Pro version (costing a measly $39) has the potential
to earn you enough money to buy the moon.

As is common marketing scam practice, the particle-sized disclaimer states the site
does not guarantee any actual financial gain (such a lot of information in such a
small space). But the sales pitch boasts that if 50 people sign up for the Pro version
you will receive a $350 payment.

So makes $1600 profit here. But what is to stop them from
saying you have failed to reach the 50 new signups limit and not pay you a penny?
How would you know? And the site does not mention any payment for Pro signups
fewer than 50. Very clever!

Then there is the small matter of persuading your friends to sign up. You may have
been daft enough to waste $39 on the Pro version, but can you seriously say you
know 50 people gullible enough to fall for this same scam, especially when it gets its
cheating behind uncovered?

Happy Smiley Fake People

The bottom of the site’s main sales page has a host of alleged testimonials all
praising the wonders of It does not take a genius to realize
these are faked. The pictures besides these sickly acrimonious comments are not
the sort of realistic profile pictures you would expect to find on a real Facebook

The images are probably ripped straight from online stock photography sites and the
glowing testimonials are undoubtedly the work of the product creators. I will say that
they have done a half decent job of trying to make the comments look realistic, right
down to the use of emoticon-based symbols explaining overwhelming happiness.
But it is still nothing more than self-satisfied, back-slapping, high-fiving, fictitious

And If All of This Was Not Enough

The site kindly provides even more proof that this is nothing more than a marketing
scam – a barrage of cheap, tacky, uninventive pop-ups as you try to hastily exit the

Remember the massive carpet bombing tactics used in the first Gulf War named
Operation Shock and Awe, designed to batter the opposition into early submission?
Well this is Operation Annoy and Irritate.

Designed to break your will to live, these pop-ups offers ask you if you are really
sure you wish to leave (your answer should be yes). They even pretend to show you
how to leave and exit the exit pop-ups, but this is nothing more than a stalling tactic
allowing the site to make a desperate effort to get you to click on an affiliate offer, so
they can at least make something from your visit.

It is all designed to confuse and if you are not careful you end up being redirected to
another marketing scam offer page.

Beware of Geeks Bearing Gifts is a new breed of marketing scam and maybe it is a sign of
things to come. This brazen con is piggybacking on the success of Facebook and
while is claims not to be affiliated with the actual site (albeit in the minutest of terms),
it does its very best to make its offer look like it belongs to the actual Facebook site. (should that be .con?) has a slogan that reads, ‘For
facebook members from facebook members (sic)’. If the people behind this scam
are indeed Facebook members they are guaranteed to be the people that you barely
knew at school, never really liked, but insist they want to be your friend. They are the
Facebook undesirables and I urge you never to befriend them and stay well clear of
their fake scam marketing site.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Four Internet Marketers Play the ‘Get Rich Quick’ Game

Four internet marketers sit round their favorite board game: ‘Get Rich Quick'. One of the marketers blows on the two dice in his hand and rolls them across the board. The dice stop – both shows a 2. The marketer punches the air and whoops with delight, he has rolled a double and can now begin on his road to riches.
Rolling again, the marketer gets a 4 and a 3. He moves his gold Lamborghini Diablo board piece 7 spaces, landing on a square marked ‘eBay Fortune’. He receives a ‘Scam’ card. “Yes”, he cries, knowing that if he collects the remaining three ‘Scam’ cards, namely ‘Amazon Riches’, ‘Craigslist Assassin’ and ‘Adsense Arbitrage’, he stands to receive a huge windfall.
The next marketer has already started and is well along the board. Her next roll totals 11 and she moves her little Beverly Hills Mansion piece along 11 spaces, ending up on an ‘Opportunity’ square. “Ooh!” proclaim the other 3 marketers, all excited to see the outcome. An ‘Opportunity’ square means the marketer gets to select a card from the ‘Opportunity’ pile and stands the chance of fast cash.
The card is slowly picked up and cautiously turned over. Shrieking “Oh my God!” the marketer turns the card around so the others can see what is written:
You set up a recurring monthly payment scam without customers realizing. They thought it was a onetime payment. Collect $250 a turn, for the next 5 turns, until the customers notice.
“Awesome!” exclaims the next marketer and picks up the dice and throw a 5 and 2. His tiny luxury yacht moves 7 spaces from the previous square and lands on one labeled, ‘Over-priced Twitter Marketing Guide’. The marketer instantly hands over $100 and buys an ‘Unsolicited Bulk Email’ chip to place on the square. He knows that if anyone else lands on his Twitter product square they will now be hit for an extra $500 payment.
The fourth marketer is currently sitting pretty with 2 product cards and over $2000 in cash. She won most of this by selecting an ‘Opportunity’ card that awarded her $1500 for selling customer’s email addresses to porn and gambling sites. She has just thrown 5 and has landed on the dreaded ‘Rags or Riches’ square.
The other marketers sit nervously as she picks up the card. Hand trembling, she slowly turns it over to reveal her fate…
‘Google has removed all your websites for being misleading and lacking in quality – lose all products. Your marketing career is over!’
The marketer throws down the card and storms out of the room.
The game continues until there are only two marketers left. 10 minutes earlier, the third marketer lost everything when he unveiled a ‘Rags or Riches card that read:
‘All your websites have been found to contain stolen content and you have been accused of violating copyright laws. You are facing multiple large fines and/or a jail sentence. Forfeit everything. Your marketing career is over!’
Out of the two marketers left, one is clearly in the lead. He has over $6000, 4 products and 3 ‘Scam’ cards. He has been continuously calling the other marketer a ‘loser’ for over 10 minutes and now accuses her of ‘being too moralistic and honest to ever survive in this industry’. He has just rolled 11 and landed on a ‘Rags or Riches’ square.
“Yeah baby! You make your own luck in this game. This will be a winner for sure!” the marketer boasts, as he picks up the card and turns it over. The card reads:
‘Your email provider has received over 1000 spam complaints and blacklisted your domain and IP address. And your Adsense Arbitrage product has resulted in customer’s Adsense accounts being deleted. They all want their money back. Lose everything. Your marketing career is over!’
Exploding with rage, the marketer jumps to his feet with such force that he knocks over a bowl of Cheetos and spills his Dr Pepper all over the carpet. Suddenly panicking, he cries “My mom will kill me!” and runs out of his bedroom to find a cloth to clean up the mess.
The last remaining triumphant marketer allows herself a wry, self-satisfied smile. She knew she would win. She deserved to win. After all she took all the chances. Yes, she lost all her products after landing on a ‘Busted!’ square and being penalized for providing a genuine guarantee. And though she did lose the bulk of her cash when she landing on a product square owned by another marketer (who had added a ‘Fake Time Sensitive Offer’ feature to the square), she was still the only one to make a profit and survive.
As she left the bedroom, moving aside to allow the other marketer to frantically run past with cloth in hand, she looked down at the $1 in her hand. “$1 dollar is still better than $0” she thought. Until she realized her bus ticket home would be $2…
Moral of the story: In a game where everyone playing is a cheat, no one really prospers!

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Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Friendly World of Infomercials

Has this happened to you? You can’t sleep so you get up, fix a snack and plop yourself in front of the television. Chances are the muffled volume isn’t a concern because, before you know it, you’re entranced by images of slick never-before seen products that tell a tale as they flash before you and call your name.

The bright studio lighting is blinding in the darkened room you’re huddled in, but you can’t turn away. A snazzy looking host has drawn you in with delectable tidbits of information that amaze you. Seeing air sucked out of a plastic bag is something you now want to try for yourself. Your mind begins to scan for possible uses so you can justify purchasing a set of these special bags.

Miraculously, whatever problem the host describes pertains to you. You wonder just how he knows you are getting a double chin, have unwanted facial hair, and have trouble dicing carrots. You wonder how you’ve ever gone to parties without first squeezing into a fat-hiding body suit or how you’ve washed your car with an inferior chamois. You become guilt-ridden picturing your arteries clogged because you didn’t cook your burgers on a Perfect Patty Grill.

For some reason, though it’s late at night and time is ticking away, you can’t seem to change the channel or go back to bed. As prices are slashed before your eyes your blood pressure feels like it’s rising. You begin a debate over whether to run and get a credit card or not.

In no time, you know the friendly host and models on a first name basis and begin to worry that they will soon disappear, taking their products with them. As inventory totals drop before your eyes, you panic. You’re left with two options: either buy the darn thing, or go back to bed!

Soon enough, your new friends leave and you’re left in the dark room alone. But you’re not discouraged because you’ve decided it was destiny. You were in the right place at the right time, and soon enough a shipment will arrive at your door that will change your life, all for three easy payments.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Gullible Gender

Men or women - which gender is more disposed to being gullible, to being duped, hoaxed, fooled, misled, and lied to? Let’s take a look at the facts.

From a very young age we are told that little boys are made of “slugs and snails and puppy dog’s tails,” whilst girls are made of “sugar and spice and all things nice.” Professor Von Brainsneezing of Dumbkopf University backs this up. “After examining the evidence, I have come to the conclusion that these findings are correct and accurate.” Abby Sciuto, well-known NCIS fictional forensic expert agrees absolutely with these findings. “You’d never get Special Agent Gibbs to be gullible!” she declares. A frown then crosses her face, “Unless you use a red-headed female. Then he’d be mince.” She disappears in tears.

As we grow up, our gullibility factor remains steady through the tooth fairy years up to the very last letter to Santa Clause. Then something very interesting happens. The boys begin asking Santa for joysticks, and the girls start asking for boobs.

This shows that, whilst there has been a revolution of understanding within the mind of the little girl as she sits on Santa’s lap and notices his delight at her blossoming form, little has evolved in the boy’s brain, except a growing awareness of his need for a joystick. This shows us that the girl is looking to her assets, while the boy is still trying to find his. This behaviour has a tendency to develop and, taken to extremes, has become known as the “Anna Nicole Smith” Syndrome – ANSS for short. If you have ANSS in your pants, you know it’s serious.

As both genders mature in age and experience, the women may have their moments, but it is the men who show definite signs of gaining the lead, streaking ahead in the gullibility stakes, outpacing their female companions in their bid to win, and finally ending in a climatic flourish of gullibility.

Many women may be gullible in believing that they can reach the blissful state of “happily ever after” regardless of their boob size. But countless more men are prey to a much stronger fantasy, aided and abetted by women with a multitude of motives. Men believe it happens time and time again, all over the world, and every time they believe it happens, a little gnome is kicked in the privates by a fairy, accompanied by the sound of ringing balls.

What is it? What is the finish line men cross that makes them triumphant holders of the Trophy for Gullibility?

It is their willingness to believe that they have the biggest, best, most perfectly shaped joystick in the world, and it is a belief that has instigated wars and joint accounts in equal numbers. And, as long as she holds the joystick in question, women will always have the edge over men when it comes to gullibility - and how to exploit it!

The Gullible Idiot - Blogged