Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Friendly World of Infomercials

Has this happened to you? You can’t sleep so you get up, fix a snack and plop yourself in front of the television. Chances are the muffled volume isn’t a concern because, before you know it, you’re entranced by images of slick never-before seen products that tell a tale as they flash before you and call your name.

The bright studio lighting is blinding in the darkened room you’re huddled in, but you can’t turn away. A snazzy looking host has drawn you in with delectable tidbits of information that amaze you. Seeing air sucked out of a plastic bag is something you now want to try for yourself. Your mind begins to scan for possible uses so you can justify purchasing a set of these special bags.

Miraculously, whatever problem the host describes pertains to you. You wonder just how he knows you are getting a double chin, have unwanted facial hair, and have trouble dicing carrots. You wonder how you’ve ever gone to parties without first squeezing into a fat-hiding body suit or how you’ve washed your car with an inferior chamois. You become guilt-ridden picturing your arteries clogged because you didn’t cook your burgers on a Perfect Patty Grill.

For some reason, though it’s late at night and time is ticking away, you can’t seem to change the channel or go back to bed. As prices are slashed before your eyes your blood pressure feels like it’s rising. You begin a debate over whether to run and get a credit card or not.

In no time, you know the friendly host and models on a first name basis and begin to worry that they will soon disappear, taking their products with them. As inventory totals drop before your eyes, you panic. You’re left with two options: either buy the darn thing, or go back to bed!

Soon enough, your new friends leave and you’re left in the dark room alone. But you’re not discouraged because you’ve decided it was destiny. You were in the right place at the right time, and soon enough a shipment will arrive at your door that will change your life, all for three easy payments.

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